Free Liquor - lots of top brands (Wilmington) in Boston, Massachusetts For Sale

A lot of free liquor: top shelf vodka, scotch, gin, tequila, rum -- all kinds of stuff. Maybe 50 bottles.
Please read carefully. The following conditions however are absolutely non-negotiable:
1. You have to prove that you and everyone with you is at least 21 using an unexpired Massachusetts drivers license or unexpired United States Passport. You need to look just like the picture. No out-of-state ID. No expired IDs. If you show up with what I think is a fake ID or if you don't look just like the picture I will call the police.
2. You will submit to a breathalyzer test. Any reading other than 0.0 and I will ask you to leave. If you appear to be under the influence of anything, I will ask you to leave.
3. Your vehicle has to have a compartment (trunk) where you can put this stuff. Some of these bottles are open and thus qualify as open containers. You cannot put them in the passenger compartment.
4. You have to take ALL of the bottles. All or nothing.
5. You have to come pick this up in the next couple of hours.
If you can comply with every requirement, you can have several hundred dollars of liquor for nothing.
I suggest you bring some boxes -- I don't have any.